There was something I'm really in lack of compared to my old self.

By now, anytime I see anything that did or achieve something better than I do, the confidence I had on my current task would easily shatter. Thoughts like; they did better than I do, maybe perhaps they should take the task over mine; no matter how hard I tried I would never get any better; I wish I would at least be a little bit reassemble to them.

These sounded like cowardly words to the others, but hell, I'm really always bothered by them. I am blaming myself for being so useless, so worthless. Why could I achieve nothing?

Even writing, I tried day and day, so hard that I wouldn't believe I actually put and placed so much commitment on. It turned out I didn't even get slightly better, which I think it would be.

I would like to drink a potion in one draught which bless me with immense confidence for eternity, that would never be shattered...