I'm being the organizer for one of my best buddies, Sze Ming's birthday party (it's sucks being organizer and I'll need to inform everyone one by one; I'm positive that my phone bill gonna exceed my usual usage by 30% minimum).

Okay let's cute the story short. My second last post stated that I want to cry, and the reason shall be revealed right here...
'She' is one of my ex-classmate (and she knows the birthday boy for almost four years), was the last one of those which I have their contacts in my phone. I'm just too afraid of giving her a damn call informing her about that.
Until yesterday, one of my friend convinced me to brave myself up, and just give her a call (I've been dreaming of her sweet, melodious voice for almost a year. The times which I heard them really little - twice on the phone, and less than 100 sentences in the school).
Eventually, the external factors had lead my mind to pick up my phone, and press the phone book's L list. Her number's located, and I clicked once on the damn green button. The line is connected, and start to ring in the sound 'du...du..'
After around five times of ringing, I heard the opposite side has obviously mashed on the red button (cancel button for phone call) and the line's been cut off. I was in mixed feelings of frustration, furious, and heart broken. It's clear that she doesn't want even to pick up the damn call.
I calmed myself down after several minutes, believing that she's just "accidentally" pressed that. I gave her another call. To my horror, the same things happens and it has only rang for three times. My heart's just like being smashed by a solidious hammer, and my heart's made by glass (I've just slowly reassemble them as time passes, with the help from playing games and mixing with my new friends)

The tears in my eyes are uncontroable dripped out from them. I laid on my bed and cried for a short while before I harden my feelings.
I wish she would be there at the party, and so I sms-ed the birthday boy so that he'd inform her himself about that. Yeah, what another pleasent surprise...
He says she had just asked him about that, around 30 minutes ago (approximately a few minutes before or after I phoned her). Awesome, right? Someone which could provide a full detail right here's willing to inform her using the phone but get rejected; instead of that she'd rather spending her money calling the others...
It's not the first time. It's not a coincidence at all cost. My sms to her within these months (the proper amount should be 3 of them), along with those messages sent through msn never get any replies. As I told before, she even do reply someone else rather than giving just a single message to me...
I really, deeply hurt by this...Why do I choose misery for myself? Love, you suck...

Yeah, if you're going the party, I won't be going; and if you're not, I'll take over your place, with pleasure.

I hereby tell you that I really do love you. It doesn't matter that you hear this or not, I just wish that we could be normal friends only. Does this matter sounds so hard?

My friends told me that I should give up, since it's worthless. Of course I know, from the first second I tell myself that I like her, I just want to be friend with her only. I can't just simply take someone else as her substitute right now, it's just far too selfish...or at the least, I can't accept this fact.

It takes a minute to have a crush on someone,
an hour to like someone,
and a day to love someone,
but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

I'm totally agree with this. One of the reason I don't want to change any target is because of this...

Awh...I can't keep on writing anymore...The more I write, pains are etched to my bodies in a greater volume...

That's it...The secret is once revealed again.

I shall tell you this again...

I love you...