Yeah, my second crush appears around June or July. To be frank, it actually still blazing with strong fires within my heart until now, I still love her so deeply, and don't want the feel to her fade away so easily...

Okay, let's get another story-telling started. it's about June or July right now, and I'm still busy and trying my best to paralyze myself by fusing my thoughts with an online game. I played the game from day to night, night to day; or it's better to say I play the game whenever I'm at home, without rest at all. By doing this, I could make myself about her temporary, just for a short period, which is better than nothing. Weeks and weeks passed, and there's come a 'Darkness+Sorrow' week, which is a pure nightmare for me. It devours my thoughts, feels, and whatever related to me, causing me to be something like a...lifeless puppet. I've to apologize here cause the memories around that single week had been probably been devoured and erased from my mind without my permission. Barely, I could still remember, I've been a really tiring guy for the whole week. I never had enough sleep, and sometime I could still get a sleep for the whole day! Even when I'm in school, I'll probably ignore the community, and fall asleep on the desk whenever teacher is teaching. I'm just something more similiar to a living/walking corpse.

Something I'd like to add, after I've my first crush on the girl, I start to become a sad guy, which have no confident to self. I've undergone and know what the true meaning and the true feeling of pain, and too, heart crush, shatter, pain...etc...

Month passed again, and my school, Catholic High School is going to have their one-year-onced Sports Day. My class's gang, had planned an evil scheme, which is we all decided to skip the 'Sports Day', and overnight at one of our friend's house, since none of us had taken part in the upcoming sport events, and we don't want to get incinerated by the burning sun tommorow. It's a quite large number of us in our friend's house. We're just like having a party there =P...That night, it's one of my memorable night, which I meet someone 'special' to my life. One of the guys went online using MSN. As soon as he's online, he starts his conversation with the 'special' someone to me, a girl from my class, and let's name her 'her' only. Actually, I didn't really talk to this girl although she's in the same class with me for 2 years; since she's those quiet type girl, and something like anti-socialise. I found that it's quite interesting from the conversation of her with my friend, and eventually, I dominated the computer, signed in my msn, and added her to my list. It's the first time I've been in so happy after I've been rejected by the girl I've first crushed on. Having a conversation with her at the moment is extremely wonderful, and I feel so comfortable talking with her. I could feel some special feelings had blaze out from my heart. At first, I'm confused by this feeling, and after a very very long observe from normal classes, and time, I confirmed that the type of feeling to her is exactly a new crush, my second crush. My heart at the moment, couldn't withstand myself from loving two girls at once, had forced me to make a decision, either to continue love the girl of my first crush; or give up first crush, while go for the new crush. I think and repeat the same question within my mind for a few days, and eventually, I made up my decision. I'll give up my first crush, and focus myself on the new one. Duh...It's kinda a bad decision. Oh Yeah, and it works! With this decision, I forget and terminate the feeling to the girl of my first crush, almost instantly; while leaving the feeling to the new crush starts to burn stronger and stronger. Nevertheless in class, I start to notice about her appearance. She turning to be more and more and more beautiful from my sights every time I look at her. At the same time, I've choosen three people to share my feelings with, and had them to guide me to what I should do and do not.They're Lixin, Szeming, and the last one is Demin. Days and days passed, I feel more in love with her.

August, should be a happy month for me, since my birthday are coming soon; but it turns out to be a sad month in the end. Another nightmare arises, which is my close friends at that time, Demin had be a busy-body, had told her that I love her. Later, Demin copied his conversation with her to the chatbox, and send them to me for reading. I could see a few words which pierced through the flesh of my heart, and crushed my leftover confidence completely. I saw a few sentence like, "He's not my type", "Will never accept hm for all the reason of the world, at all" etc...These words are fully-spiked. They stabbed and attached themselves on my heart, causing me great pain from time to time. Without any choice, I know I can't be too sad at that moment, I've done another stupid decision. I choose to trying to tell a 'lie' to myself, comforting self to regain confidence, and hoping that I can do something to change her point of view, to accept me in the end. So, my plan to tell her on the friday, the 19th of Friday about my feeling to her had been a failure after all.

September, it's a semi-busy month, since everyone is going to prepare for their Spm Trials, included her. Although I'm also a bit busy, but I'm still looking forward for the day of her birthday. I've counted, or should I say countdown her birthday from day to day. Eventually, that day reached. I've prepared a lovely, fluffy, and cute rabbit doll (I like it, it's so cute!), and a birthday card for her. Before and on that day, I've get quite a number of people to sign on the card for her, to wish her happy birthday. With such intentions, my classmates could easily guess that I've a crush on her. I stuck the doll into my beg, and take them to school though. Halfway of the day, my friends had pulled me and along with the others, we sang a melodious birthday songs to her, wishing her happy birthday. The doom is near, our test had finished (the day of her birthday, we're still having our trial exam!). I manage to hold her back for few minutes, take out the cute doll from my beg, and hand it over to her. On the time I'm going to hand her the doll, my heart bumps and pumps darn fast, and my blood are boiling. It caused both of my ears turn extremely red at the moment. I forced myself to give the doll to her by holding back my shy-ness, and I succed. She accpeted, and not long after that, both of my pet sis along with xiang reached my class. They too, greet her happy birthday, while xiang gave her a nice-looking picture he drawn himself (thanks ya, xiang!). You know, she one of our Pastry Family's member. Our family consist of the members of Chicken Pie, Creampuff, EggTart, Pizza, Pancake, Donut, and at last and not the least, the Cupcake. She's the lovely Cupcake; while I'm the Funny Chicken Pie. She thanked everyone of us before she departs back to her home, which I watched her slowly fades and vanished from my eye sights. Clement then told me something that make me feel more shy, which is, :"You know, you didn't blush just now, but instead of that, your ears turns damn red; while she too, blushes." Yeah whatever, I know whenever I'm nervous, my ears will turn red instead of my face normally, so it's obvious to know that I'm blushing or feeling shy or not.

After the incident during her birthday, more and more people within our class knows that I love her. It soon becomes a hot topic among them. More and more rumors occurs within our class, and causing chaos to us. Eventually, one of the guy, siting just in front of her, had come to me and asked a question which had stunned me completely. He asked me whether I love her or not. I don't know what answer should I give him, and I tend to be confused again. My friends are around me at the moment, heard that too, and they know about it long time ago. They advised me that I must admit about it, and I follwed what they said, cause I know it's not something wrong if I fall in love to a girl though. But, this is kinda a great mistake I've done. He do promised me that he'll not tell anyone, but after he knows that I love her, strange things start to happen. The rumors getting worse, and we oftens become jokes for them, causing them to laugh. Oh yeah what, you want to laugh just laugh until you die I also doesn't mind, as long as you all don't hurt her please...That only my little demand...Okay, a few days or week after that, this is really really a NIGHTMARE. Our class had went to ABM room to watch a movie, titled "?" (sorry i've forget about the name). Some parts in the story, there's show a male guy, is flirting a female girl romantincly. In my mind, I do wish I'm the boy while she's the girl, but that doesn't help. Whisteling sounds could be heard around the class, and one of the guy in my class approached his chair to mine, and asked, :"You should flirt 'her' just exactly what he done." or something like that; with a quite high voice. The whole class heard what he said, and you know the corrupted-brain guys in our class starting to laugh and keep bugging me to do as the show done, and they're ready to crack a beer, sitting on their comfortable chair, to watch some interesting 'scene'. NO WAY! What the hell they're thinking! I'll be gladly do that if I'm her boyfriend, but I'm not! I'll never do such thing, NEVER AND NEVER! I rejected, and tried my best to vanish from the crowd, to prevent them from further joking/talking. Barely, I could see her blush slightly from the embaressment.

A lot craps right? Let's fast forwards a bit until after SPM. I've actually lost a few opportunities to tell her my feelings, and now I swear I regret I didn't cherish the chance I've before. The chance for us to meet again is almost 0%. I tried to go Ming's house for our class gathering to tell her my feeling but she didn't went; She went to Genting Highland for our class's trip, but I can't go! WTH...Fate is really playing a fool on me...Nevertheless, nowadays she's studying happily in Taylor's College, with a bunch of hot, handsome, cute guys probably chasing after her; while...while I'm in Sunway University College, sobbing, crying though...Maybe I should take Adrian's words. He said, :"If you love someone, there's no need to obtain her. As long as she feels happy, that's already more than enough." Yeah, he's right. I think I'll not force her, and let it be; but one thing I can still confirm, I'll still be loving her deeply. I don't mind to sacrifice anything for you. When you're down, I'll be your teddy bear, I'll be your clown, which make the sweet smile occurs on your face once again. Your adorable smile is the best gift to me.Somemore there's one thing more...Ever since after she knows I like her, the conversation between mine and her, had totally ruined. It'll never be as effective as the time before she don't know I like her. Communicating with her right now is kinda suffering. I can't talk properly and effectively with her, compared to the others. We're just like two different world livings, one from Earth, one from Mars, communicating with two type of totally different languages, and cannot understand each other properly. Sad, I wish I can communicate well with her, and have some enjoyable conversation.

There are actually a lot more thing which I can write, but I think it's way too long already, and I should stop now...

Yeah, many readers do know who the girl is. If you're reading this blog...I do hope that it can at least change a bit, of something...I don't mean that I want you to feel sorry or whatever, just want you to know what am I thinking only...I don't really like to keep things deep within me, for the exceptional of a few special cases...I wish I could tell you all my feeling from mouth to mouth...I love you...This 3 words had been a sealed word from my mouth ever since I get rejected for first time, cause I scare I sputter the wrong thing again, and get rejected...

This will be probably be the longest blog of mine. Every features and everything within this articles are real. I just write out what I think and feel. Hope you all won't fall asleep from reading this long, and yet boring blog...